My recent blog posts have been pretty down-to-the-core, so why stop there? I hesitate to write this particular post because it admits my feelings and it ruffles feathers that are comfortable where they’re at, thankyouverymuch. So here goes.
We’ve been married half a decade. We have a not-so-baby. People ask us, (well, who knows if they ask Steven. That seems weird.) and quite regularly, “When are you having another baby?” I know it’s not meant for bad, and most people are truly interested, but it’s a strange question. Isn’t that kind of personal business? I guess there’s a slight difference between “ARE you having another baby” versus “WHEN are you,” but it’s really the same question.
So, are we?
I have trouble answering this question myself. People get thrown off when we answer, truthfully, that Wes may be it. We have loved getting to know our son, grow as a family and learn about each other in ways we didn’t think possible. He wasn’t colicky, he wasn’t too difficult to care for as an infant, and the birth of him was ridiculously simple. I know for a fact that Wes was not an “accident,” even if he entered our lives in a surprising way. God knew my paranoias of pregnancy, birthing, parenting and everything else I was too scared to face and provided the perfect balanced child for me and Steven.
If you asked me the above question even just 6 months ago, I would have flat out answered, NO. (And if you ask Steven today, he would tell you a firm denial.)
But. These dang hormones are working their magic within me. It doesn’t help that many of my friends have had or are soon to have babies, so I am around little tiny people a lot these days. I used to cringe hearing pregnancy rants and stories about motherhood. Now I welcome it. Wesley has allowed my heart to morph and soften and grow to love things Past Leah certainly wouldn’t approve of.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve witnessed mourning of all kinds and have wept with those who are aching for healthy children. Perhaps it’s because I’ve held fresh, new babies and have rejoiced with parents. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen how Wes lights up around littler people than him. Whatever the reason, I won’t deny any longer that I think about another child for our family. And sometimes those thoughts involve adoption.
We know that family “building” is sort of out of our control. It’s a higher decision than ours. And since we’re not quite on the same wavelength, I know that it’s not the right time to talk about next steps. But thinking (and dreaming) are free and never have time limits!
So to answer your question: Maybe?